Mother's Day!

Wow I thought today would have been really hard. Actually, I did better than I thought I would. I am really proud of myself. I did worse at the Mother/Daughter breakfast about two weeks ago, I think it was that long ago. That time was worse for me. I think God prepared me to have a hard time with that, so Mother's Day wouldn't be so dreadful and hard. I wasn't dreading it because I was pre-occupied Friday into Saturday morning. See we had the youth lock-in Friday night into Saturday morning. We had 18 kids and 6 adults. Everyone had a good time, told me thank you for planning it, they all had fun, and they can't wait for next year. Which makes me feel good. Also, to kill time between activities, I asked Pastor Tim if he could do highs and lows for the week. So we did that, and a couple of the kids said that their high of the week was coming to the lock-in. I was like "Aww what sweet kids." So after a while came to me, of course my high was also coming to the lock-in, since I missed it last year, and I had no lows for the week.

Now that night on Saturday we had Girls night. Very fun and good food. Lonewolf is awesome. Next month's place will be Texas Roadhouse with a date yet to come. After that July's place will be yet to be determined.

Okay now onto Sunday. I thought churh was going to be hard. Well, not as bad as previously thought. I only teared up during the Children's Message at church. Then for no apparent reason while Pastor Seabaugh was saying his sermon I teared up a couple times. It started to get so bad that I couldn't see Pastor at all. But no tears came falling down. I pushed them down. That happened about two times. Other than that, church went great. Then on the way out I got wished "Happy Mother's Day." I was like "what?" I am not a mom, I have no kids. Pastor Koeller said sorry it was habit. I said that is okay. But Ryan was like "Hey Buddy we don't have any kids yet." But if you think about it, the youth kind of feel like our kids at times. By the way they tick us off when they do something wrong, don't listen to us, and confide in us stuff that they wouldn't tell their parents. A couple of them feel comfortable enough to tell us anything they want. Which is the way we want it. So technically no kids, that we know of. :D Hahaha! I kind of gave him a dumbfounded look and I think Ryan was shocked. So that is about all for now.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me emails today that they are all thinking of me. Thank you! It means the world to me. And it also means the world to me knowing that I am not the only one going through this. If anyone ever wants to kind of know what I am going through. Think of it this way. This is the best way to explain how I feel. Think about never being able to hug, kiss, talk, shop, or anything else you can think of that you would do with your mom. Not being able to pick up the phone and call your mom and tell her about the days happenings or share some happy news. Never see you get married, see your kids at all, and etc. This is what I go through every day. I miss not being able to talk to my mom, give her a hug, visit her, have her pi$$ me off, or get her anything. I just plainly miss her. Now I am tearing up, but none will fall. I swear. Okay, before I go any deeper for you all, I will end this blog. At least before I make any of you tear up. If I haven't already. If I have, I am sorry. So not my intention.

So talk to you on the flip side all! Kisses to all of you! Also, hugs to you all as well.


Here is a happier time with my mom.

This is my brother Jeremy, my mom, and me at Manor Care for her birthday about 8 to 7 1/2 years ago.

Jodes