Time Heals All Wounds!

Well that saying is really a hard pill to take right now. I was on my way home this morning from getting a recheck in a lab value. And had a thought. Why not say hey to my mom and tell her that I love her and miss her. Yeah, well better said than done. I should have known that the "water works" were going to happen after I did that and while driving mind you. I was like Damn It! But also asked God to take good care of my mom. Also asked my mom to give all my loved ones a hug for me. Today was the first time that I really had a stream of tears.

I had tears in my eyes on Friday in her room, and then after we walked out. When family was saying their final goodbyes. I hid my head in Ryan's chest and cried. He hugged me so hard, and started to rub my neck. What a sweet guy I have. I could tell he was having a hard time with it, but he was strong for me. His face was red, and I swear he was on the verge of tears. But none came out. I am so happy that I had him there. What was really awesome. Is what my brother did after my mom passed. It was the five of us in her room in the ICU. And he looked at Ryan and said thank you for being with us, and said the same thing to his fiance. My brother also gave me one of the biggest hugs ever. I love him and my dad so much. And a couple family members are really helping us out. And now the rest is starting to pi$$ us off. Get under my skin and my dad's. Like we can't do make any decisions on our own, or that we need help with certain things.

There are certain things that we want to do together as a family to help us get through this. Man I want to get pi$$y, but I am biting my tongue. I am being a good girl. If any of you see me, and I am quiet. That means I am missing my mom, and probably mad (really mad) at someone. But I will be fine. No worries on that. I am a fighter and strong. I am going to take a little mini nap before my dad and I have to go and plan the funeral service. I am so over joyed to plan that. But I told my dad I want to feel like I am doing something. He said just being there is helping him. But I don't feel like I am doing anything. I want to help in other ways, other than doing the collage that my brother, his fiance, and me did last night. We had fun though looking at the pics. Until next time.

Jodes