Today is another day!

Okay, now the tears have seemed to just come and go. I am doing pretty well though. Talking to Ryan is helping. Just letting him listen to me and hold me is helping. He is such a sweet guy. And I can only imagine what he is going through also. I know his state of mind is taking second to mine. Which means the world to me. That just shows me that he loves that much. But I just wish he would he would just tell me how he is doing seriously. He won't. He says that isn't important. She wasn't my mom, she was yours. Is what he says. Men! Grrrr! But I will take it. I have to. Right? That is what love is and what I am in this elationship for. This will help us grow even closer together. And the loss of my mom is really making me take my family for granted now. I tell my dad I love you when he leaves, and do the same to with my brother and his fiance. Also, it has brought my mom's side and us closer as well. I have never been closer to my aunt and uncle that live next door to me than I do right now. And to my cousin's that live there also. They always say a tragedy will either bring a family together or tear them apart. Will the loss of my mom has brought us all together like we all needed.

And yes Becky, I am one heck (not what I would say ;)) of an emotional roller coaster. And it really sucks a$$. Like that? I went gorcery shopping today. Everything was going great. Until I got home. Nothing went wrong with my car, or me falling for the third damn time. Nope. Stupid paper bags with handles. Damn cheap craftsmanship. The freaking handles broke on like two bags, and then I would pull them close to me to get ahold of them so I could get them out my car. Well, they ripped. I was so livid when I got in the house. And put the bags down. So I sat down and chilled out. Let my heart rate come down and the fiestyness. But all was good when Ryan called. And he came over. I made us a lovely home cooked meal that he loved. I love cooking for him. He loves my eating! But his favorite home cooked meal is his mom's. I have to agree with that. And my grandma's is second. I totally agree with him on that.

Now with the cooking subject. I have learned the hard way not to make twiced baked potatoes. They always end up lumpy! Damn it! Then my beloved tells me this, which pi$$ed me off at the time. These aren't like my mom's. I think when he said that, I told him she is the only person that will make them for him. I give up. I tried three damn times to make them like hers. So I have given up. At least for now. I might try them some other time. Like maybe when we get married. I don't know. If I do it and he loves it trust me you will all know when the happens. So now, I am going to go back in my room and see if my sleeping beauty is still sleeping. Haha! Like that? I do. He would tell me to shut up if he knew I said that.

Oh tomorrow my aunt and cousin that live next door to me are going to see Bride Wars with me tomorrow. I can't wait. It will be our own girls movie out. We might do supper who knows. Ryan will be going ice fishing. I think he is nuts to go tomorrow. But he said he will stop by Fleet to get a pair of Carhardt overalls (I think it is spelled right. I don't know) so his legs stay warm. Then he will be more inclined to stay out there longer. Then Sunday be to church by 7:30 am to practice for choir we are singing during the offering at early service. Then stay for bible study and around 2:30 we are meeting Rayn's co-workers at Sabre Lanes to bowl three games. I might not bowl. Not decided yet. Enough blabbing for now. Off to check on my own sleeping beauty.

Jodes