Will I ever stop missing my mom?

Hmmm! That is a really good question. I am thinking no. But as I look at that question, I know as of right now I will not stop missing her. I am finding out that the closer it gets to Christmas the crappier my days are. Yesterday was not a good day at all. I actually broke down at Ryan's, so we talked about what wa bothering me. He is such a sweet loving man to help me through this. I know in his heart he wishes he could take my pain away. But he can't. No one can other than God. He is the only one that can help me heal.

Getting ready for Christmas is getting to be hard. It really feels like something is missing. Obviously something or someone is missing. I also know that the first Christmas is the hardest. I really do know that. It just sucks big time.

But I do have many things to be thankful for at Christmas. I am also trying to find the real meaning of Christmas. I mean, I know the real meaning. Just trying to find it in my heart. So when you see now, until after the New Year. I may look fine, but I really am not. I am crying on the inside. I am putting on a front. Just pull me aside and hug me or just go ahead and hug me.

Oh, another reason this weekend sucks is because this is the weekend my mom went into the hospital and then everything just snowballed for 2 weeks. So I will try to think positive, stay strong, and remember the happy times. But those happy times make me cry and miss her more. I am trying to take it one day at a time. So have a good rest of the day. I will try to keep up to date on this blog. If I don't have a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!

Jodes