3rd Annual Get Together

Well, this is the day that Ryan and I get together with our college friends. We catch up on the year, and just pick up were we left off. We have so much fun together. And this year one of our friends is engaged. So Ryan and I are brassing ourselves for the dreaded question. You guys know what it is. But I am not going to answer it like I normally do when I am with Ryan and that comes up. Ryan will. So it is us and one of our other friends that need to get engaged. Then we all will be married. And two sets of friends have kids. That is Nate and Jill of course, and our other friend Crystal. Crystal had a little boy, and Nate and Jill had our little cute precious niece Olivia. She is so precious. She is right up there with Mallory, Kathleen, and Kamryn. They are my four little girls.

Tonight we are going to Ted's Grandview in Freemont. It is on Lake (IDK). Melissa would be able to tell us that. So I have to get my shoes on and get over to Ryan's. We are leaving at 4 to get there by 4:30. The time we are all getting together. So the kiddies can go to sleep at a reasonable time. Give you all an update tomorrow.

Oh, tomorrow during the Super Bowl party at church I will be working on layouts for my scrap book. At least a couple pages. At least see what they look like and then decide. Not paste anything down at least yet. Maybe Monday night. I don't know. Talk to you all soon!

Jodes

Yeah it's Friday!

Well, today Ryan had a half day. So he worked until 9:30 am. He didn't call me though until about 1:30. So technically he was supposed to come over to my place and I was going to cook him a nice meal. Well, I come to find out that my dad has the day off. And it is hard when he is home for Ryan and I to spend some time alone together. So now I am going to go over to Ryan's and make him supper there. I will make my infamous Tuna Casserole. Okay here is the recipe and it is yummy. Everyone loves it.

Tuna Casserole

Egg noodles (about two hand fulls)
12 oz can of tuna in water
can of corn (drained)
can of cream of mushroom soup
salt and pepper to taste (i also add parsley and seasoning salt to taste)

Cook the egg noodles in boiling hot water. When noodles are cooking, mix together the tuna, corn, cr. of mushroom soup, and seasonings. I drain the corn once I open it. Then when noodles are done and drained, mix with the mixture. Stir it up until mixed well together. Put casserole dish or big bowl in oven. Make sure they are oven safe. Cook at 350 for 45 minutes or until it looks crusty on the top. Or just looks done. Cook it at least 45 to 1hr. Until it looks done.

Lightly brown on top. That is what we will be having for supper tonight. I think I have a recipe for it. If we do I can't find it. Talk to you all later!

Jodes

My slideshow song

Everyone. If you are wondering why in the world there is a Willie Nelson song on my slideshow, since I don't like him. Well, it is simple. This song that he is singing, I found out last night, is my mom's favorite song. Just listen to the words and it will tear you up. It brings tear to my eyes if I listen to it. And next time I will change the song to Elvis Presley's "Love me tender." This will be next week. That song was my parent's first dance song. And her favorite Christmas song was Pretty Paper. So I have a hard time listening to oldies now. But I will get through. You all are helping me alot. Talk to you all soon!

Love,
Jodes

Health update!

Now, none of you need to worry about my title. Everything is fine, actually it is more than fine. It is great. I am just updating everyone since I haven't done that lately.

My labs yesterday were awesome. Everything is still stable and going awesomely. Numbers are awesome, kidney is awesome, and everything in general is awesome. With my mom's passing 26 days ago, I don't know how many people have told me "Make sure you take care of yourself." With everything anyone can say, that seems to be the only thing that bothers me. I mean if people say it now, fine, I understand. Got it! But just because my mom died, doesn't mean I am going to crawl in a hole and neglect this kidney. That is not an option. My dad and Ryan have been through way too much with me with all this. That I don't plan on causing them anymore stress. I plan to be good, and stick to what I have been doing. Which is the best way to take care of my kidney. Take my pills, drink water (64oz a day), and get my labs done when needed.

Now if any of you say that, please just remember this. NO DUH! :) I can think of something different but won't say it hear. Neither the time nor place. ;)

That is the main thing that has been bothering me, mainly it has been coming from family. Can't remember if anyone of my friends have said it. I don't remember. Another thing that bugs me with my family is only my aunt and uncle and cousins that live next door to me, and my other uncle call to see how we are doing. That is all. No one else on my mom's side calls to check in. Which is kind of annoying. They could at least pick up the phone and ask us how are doing. That bugs me. My family that lives next door to me is awesome. They have been through everything with us. My health problems, my mom's, and my mom's death. They are even there for us to talk to when we have bad days like all my friends are. I feel closer to them now than I do with my other family members. But oh well. February 2nd will be one month. Not looking forward to that. Well, off to playing on the computer. And then off to choir tonight.

Sunday makes up for Saturday!

Okay everyone! Granted Saturday was our 8 year anniversary, and we didn't do anything with just the two of us. Nope. But Sunday made up for it. We went to Education hour at church, then late service, I ran home to grab my camera, went to Ryan's if only for 10 minutes, went to Superbowl to meet the youth, then came back to Ryan's. After bowling we pretty much had quiet day of us just spending the day together. What we should have done Saturday, but didn't. I think Ryan is starting to feel better, but his mood needs to get better. I have endless patience, but it is so hard to say a comment to him saying something in a pissy manner. But I keep telling myself that I love this man a lot. And remember what my good friend Jenni told me. She told me about a week or two ago that if Ryan says somethings stupid my mom will get revenge on him. Meaning that if and when he says something stupid he will stub his toe or cut himself. He will get hurt somehow. And that is my mom intervening. She told me that is what her mom does for her and her sister. Her mom died when she was 4 so she kind of knows what I am going through. But that is off track.

So I just bite my tongue when Ryan talks or says something that will cause me to get fired up. I restrain myself. Sometimes, I have learned, I just repeat what he said to me back to him. And ask him if that is what he meant. Sometimes he recants, and other times he just says yeah.

But honestly, we don't really like fighting. We have one blow out a year. I think. Were him and me are really mad at each other. And neither one of us caves. And I leave. Sometimes if he knows he is in the wrong he comes after me, other times, nope nothing. And I leave crying. And I call him from my car and apologize. It all depends who is really right or not. But we don't do that often. That is why we will need our own separate corners when we get married. Oh, have to tell you something that Ryan told me Friday. I brought him some leftovers over to his place because I knew he wouldn't want to cook or have the energy. So after we ate, he said that is why he needs a good woman who can cook. So when he comes home from work and has no energy to cook, like if he is sick, I will cook him food. But the way he said it made me ask him if he is using me for my cooking ability. Now I did not push any buttons. I was being a smart ass with him. I said that to him with a smile on my face. Hey, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Well, that is all for now. Until next time.
Jodes

Happy Anniversary!

Well, we made it to 8 years. Were has the time gone? Man it seems like yesterday we met, and now we are at 8 years. At least we know each other really well, so when the time does come for us to get married. We won't have a problem adjusting to married life. Now living together that might be another story. But we will make sure to have separate corners when that time comes. Today's events. Do you all think we have plans for anything? Not that I am aware of. If Ryan has something planned he is doing one good job of keeping mum about it.

What I am doing today is this. Going to see a movie with some friends, after the movie go to Ryan's spend some time with him (guess I kind of have to since it is our Anniversary ;)), we eat supper, and then we go to my cousin's house to watch their kids. We will be having a low key day. Just like any other Saturday when we babysit. My cousin's kids are fun. We play hide n seek, and I found an awesome hiding spot were it takes them forever to find me. So long that I get bored being in my spot. Then my 4 year or 5 year old escond cousin loves to try to beat up Ryan. She goes after him, then he comes after her, and she hides behind me. And I protect her from Ryan. Her older brother loves to do the same thing. I will post pictures of them. They are all so cute. I will bring my camera tonight as well. Since Casey, the 4 year old loves to take pictures of Ryan. I think she is in love with him. Sort of. Man what is it with little girls falling in love with my boyfriend? I have endless competition. :) Here are the pictures.

8 Years ago I was....

8 years ago I was in college at the tech minding my own business trying to pass classes, balance school, the club I was in, and taking care of my mom. Looking back before Ryan came into my life. My life was seriously dull and boring. I had my head in my studies, hanging out with a couple college friends at the time, enjoying planning stuff in the club I was in, and taking care of my mom. And then Ryan shook all that up. Man makes you think how much one guy or a change like that to say it better makes your life go in another direction. Not sure if I told any of you this, but I prayed to God when I was in high school that I he would send my way a guy like my uncle Mark. My uncle Mark is awesome. He hunts, fishes, is a guys guy (if you understand that, if not can't explain it), does the dishes, cooks, cleans, is a nice person, genuine, loving, caring, has a big heart, and etc. I could go on and on. But you guys are already thinking this. That is Ryan in a nut shell. Yes it is. See I never had a boyfriend in high school. Seriously had no time. When I got sick with lupus, I was down to half days at school and before that I was at home with a tutor to catch up before I went back to school. So once I got passed Sophmore year first semester I only had to take classes that I really needed to graduate. I think the only extra class that I took was choir. Which I loved. And really wasn't interested in any boy at my school. Okay I was, but he turned me down when I asked him to go to a dance with me. Whatever! His loss. I went to the dances Junior year and Senior year with all my girlfriends. I swear going with your girlfriends is the more fun way to go.

I remember Ryan meeting my granpa for the first time. Man was Ryan nervous. Picture this. My grandpa (or yours) and the head of the table. Ryan on the left side of my grandpa, me next to him, and my grandma at the other end of the table. We are all talking, and then my grandpa says this. "You had better take care of her. Or I will hurt you with my knife!" Okay Ryan was shitting bricks litterally. My grandma and I are laughing hard. Ryan is pissed at that. My grandma then says, "Harold stop that. He is a nice boy. Be nice." Then he shuts up. After a while, Ryan wants to leave badly. So we leave. I say goodbye to my grandparents. And go out to Ryan's truck. In the truck Ryan is still freaked out. I am smiling. I say relax he would never do anything to you. He said are you sure. I am like yeah. He is ailing in health, and the knife he showed you is really dull. You could get away from him quicker than he could get you. Ryan still remembers that, and remembers me LMAO. We go home to tell my mom that we are going back to his place. Ryan tells my mom what my grandpa said. My mom starts laughing hard. See Ryan hit it off with her right away, like any guy does when meeting a mom. Or a girl. We left then. Got to his place and tell his roommates what my grandpa said. And that this tiem Ryan is pissed at me for laughing. But everyone else starts laughing also. After I explain my grandpa.

Then we were in his apartment one night. Me, Ryan, Nate, and Jill. Ryan and Nate were still roommates at that time. We are all talking. Ryan answers the phone when it rang. It was my dad. I talk to my dad and he says that my grandpa had died. So he brings me home. My mom is crying. We are just sitting here. And then we go to my grandma's house. I see my grandpa there in his chair, and all my cousins start coming. So we all go out onto my grandparents screen porch. I am sitting with Ryan on the swing and a cousin joins us. Ryan has his arm around us both and we are just talking. The funeral home comes and takes him away. Not watching that. Head barried in his chest. So Ryan has been through a lot with me. Deaths of family members, my health being a roller coaster now good, and stuff that happened at home.

Now everything is good. My dad warmed up to Ryan after about a year or so. My brother right away. My dad thought that since I am the baby that no guy is good enough for his little girl. Isn't that every dad's thought. Well, he really couldn't ask for a better guy than I have in Ryan. And he knows that now. He is pretty mych considered family now. He gets Christmas gifts from my grandma with his name on it, and gets one from my dad and brother as well. And I can't go to any family function without him, or babysit my cousins without him. They always aske me "Where is Ryan." Can't I go to family stuff or babysit without him? But I am happy that my family loves him that much to think of him that way. Well, that is all for now.

But another note. My life would be so boring and my life would be different if he wasn't in it. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. My life and heart would break. No tears on that one. I don't. I am being honest. He really has my whole heart 200%. The whole kitten kaboodle. I know that when he is hunting for that week and half in November I am lost with out him if I have no plans and not busy. I like being busy everyday when he is gone. No down time. Or I get lonely. Now that is all for now. Until next time.
Jodes

Our first meeting!

Okay everyone! Here is how Ryan and I met. I have no clure of the date, not that chicky as Ryan would say. I think! Hmmm! Not sure on that. Anyway's, he told me that he new what I looked like prior to us meeting. I said yeah right. He said no, honestly. I saw you walking with your books, past the lounge area at the tech (they had couches and chairs there by the cafeteria like a meeting area now it is a Cyber Cafe). He said you looked so determined and focused about getting to class. See also, I used to be in our Activities/Game room at the Tech. I was in OPP, Outrageous Promotions and Publicans ( I think). We decided, us students, what speakers would come to campus, bands would come, and other activity stuff. We were also big into our Easter Egg Hunt, Breakfast with Santa, and Haunted Halloween Party. We had a blast. That is were I met a friend that I am still friends with. Her name is Krista, also known as Kiwi. Some of you might know her, seh worked at SII and was a member of Good Shepherd, and that is were she got married.

Now we were dong this banner for some up and coming events. And I had mentioned about having her help me find a nice guy to meet. Okay had my sights on Jill's husband at the time. Thank God that didn't happen, we are too much alike. Now she had me meet Ryan. I was like okay. So it was Jill, I met her through Kiwi, and Kiwi. And Kiwi's now husband Anthony. We, all our college friends now, were going to go out to Ponderosa for supper. But first meet at our friends place. So I was there with Jill, Kiwi, and another friend Mary. Ryan, nate, and i think Matt showed up. So I met Ryan for the first time there. Then we all went to Ponderosa. I sat by Jill or Kiwi, I don't remember, but my beloved now left an open chair between us so he could sit accross from Nate. He tells me now that he didn't think I wanted him to sit by me. What? Men are such idiots when it comes to this stuff. He had no clue it was a blind date. I had to tell him like 3 to 4 months after we started dating when we were talking about it.

Then after that. We just became friends. Getting to know each other. And all of a sudden Christmas Break began. So the day before everyone was going to leave to go home. We all went out to Pizza Hut for lunch. I, of course, sat by Ryan in the booth by the window. We went to the one on College on the West side of town close to the mall. Then we all parted ways.

And as you would say the rest is history. I hope this isn't a stupid story, and you could follow it. I remember though after that. We, (me, Ryan, Nate, Jill, and can't remember who else) ewnt to the mall. Ryan told me that he had to Christmas shop for his sister. What a lier. He didn't have to shop for his sister, I find out later. He just was affraid I wouldn't come if he told me he just wanted to get to know me. What a man? But we hung out at the mall, then went to Dairy Queen. I can tell you exactly what I had. I had a small resees pieces blizzard. Then after that went back to Ryan's apartment and we all played a card game. Then our friends had to "leave". After they did, Ryan and I sat on his couch for hours. I don't recall how long. But I think we got back at 8 and I left at 10 or 11. Yes pm. We just talked getting to know each other. So that is our little love story in a nut shell. Not a literal nut shell. If it was, it would be shorter. Hope you all liked it. Now I am going to go to bed. I will talk to you all soon!

Jodes

Almost Done!!

I am almost done with the thank you cards that we are sending out since my mom's funeral. I mean "WOW!" We received a lot of cards, and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. All I need my dad to get is more thank you's, and more stamps. Then I am done. And all the thank you's that my friends sent us. I will be writing a personal message in all of them. I am not writing the addresses. There are over 100 all together. Here I will give you the tally of everything if we don't get anymore cards right now. All together so far, that is if no more cards come in, the running total will be when all is said and done is 183. That is family, family friends, and friends. My mom was so loved that it is really amazing to see that. That makes me feel so good that everyone loved her like we did.

I haven't had a breakdown yet, but last night when saying my prayers I had tears. I am doing okay though. It is hard, and I really miss her a lot. But she is in a better place. I imagine her up in heaven, since we really don't know what it is like, smiling down on us. Crying when she sees us cry, walking around with my grandpa and other loved ones that have passed, and having one heck of a party. That is what I see when I think of her in heaven.

Well, that is about it for now. Until next time. Oh, the next time, later tonight I will talk about mine and Ryan's first meeting of each other. It is funny yet dorky.

Jodes

Be done already!

Okay I have to rant a little. I am a little more than annoyed or erked. I understand this is a president inauguration. But do we need this much coverage of it? I don't think so. Not that I am comparing or anything. But I don't recall Bush's either term was like this. That there were cheers and such a hoopla for him.

I watching the inauguration. And saw Aretha Franklin sing the National Anthem, I think, and she had the most lovely hat of all. It had a big bow on her head slanted to the right. I mean WOW! It was so pretty. I think all us ladies should go out and buy a hat with a big ass bow on it. And then buy an outfit so we have a big ass bow on our ass. What do you all think? ;) I really am kidding. Her hat was god awful.

Oh and now! They are talking how mind numbingly cold it is in Washington, D.C. during the drive back to the White House. What? It is only 27 degrees there but it feels like 13. OMG! That is so damn cold. I think they have beat us with the cold weather. I am really not that good to just pull that temp off the top of my head, I went to weather.com for that. Seriously they, the announcers, are so complaining about the weather. They think Senator Robert Byrd collapsed because of the cold. Well, I just read an article and they aren't sure why he was taken away. Senator Kennedy was rushed to the hospital because they believe that he has had yet another seizure. I feel so for him and his family. He is fighting brain cancer. Man I don't wish that on anyone. I mean I don't agree with the man's politics, but I don't wish him ill will at all.

Watching the parade back to the White House still. These people are such wusses. If they want cold. They should come up here. Were we have snow, haven't been above freezing for weeks, and have at time's had severe wind chill temps. And can these announcers just shut up and not give us commentary on stuff. If they are showing the mototrcade back to the White House, then show it and shut up. I would laugh if President Obama and Michelle don't get out of their nice warm limo and walk waving to the crowd. At all I mean. That would be funny.

I so can't wait until this day is over and we can move on. And watch and see him screw up our economy even more than it already is. With all the spending he wants to do, all the programs he wants to start, and the stimulus package he wants. All this takes money to do all this. And we are having Economic troubles I thought. And I don't want to predict this. But I fear that we will be attacked again. All because those whack jobs want to test and see what Obama will do. And know that he is all talk and no follow through. I hope it doesn't happen, but I am prepared if it does. And if it does, I also fear that it will be worse than 9/11.

I am offically bored of the damn parade. I understand it is tradition. And every President does it, but holy crap. Can they drive any slower? I told my dad this morning. When President Bush and Obama entered the limo from the White House to go to the Inauguration. I said wouldn't it be funny if their limo driver was like crap I don't were to go, and take a wrong turn. Okay, now I know the route is marked with cops and baracades so that kind of thing doesn't happen. I got that. I was just being funny. Holy Crap President Obama and Michelle did finally get out. Diane Sawyer was wondering. Is she not cold? I am like what? They are from Illinois dumb ass. DUH! They know how to handle the cold, and know to keep moving and you won't be cold. Don't stand still and if you do you will be cold. I just can't believe it. She has to have some comfortable shoes on those feet to walk that fast. I would say Ow Ow with ever step walking that fast. And say slow down dear. Not in a hurry. Okay that is all for now. I am done. I am going to make my dad and I a lovely meal. Since he is laid off this week. There is no work for him at the Foundry. I am going to make chicken, green beans, baked potatoes, and frozen biscuits. Until next time. I promise will be about our lat 8 years together. Please tell me what I was going to post next about us. I forgot.

Jodes

Day of Rest!

Today I won't be reminiscing about our last 7 years, 359 days, and have no clue of the hours and minutes. Remember I do have a life! ;) Well, sort of. I am not that nuts. I mean don't get me wrong. I am nuts, we are all nuts in our own way. But not that big of a dork to figure all that out.

Nope today I will talk about our day. Going to give the play by play. Woke up at 6 am, got ready for church at 6:30, left my house at 7 to be to church by 7:30. Oh and caught a bite to eat on the way to church. Way too early to be eating breakfast. I put water in the coffee makers at church, warmed up with the choir, then went back to making coffee for fellowship hour. Went into church at 8 with Ryan. We had to sit towards the back because he didn't want to sit in the second row with Diane. Sorry Diane. He didn't know if there was room for us. Or we would have. I tried but no go. We started church. I was doing fine thorugh the first hymn. Then we did confession and absolution and other stuff, don't remember. Please forgive Pastor Tim. :) We started on the second hymn. With the first line of the song I could sing, then nope. Tears came. I didn't have my kleenex with me. So I told Ryan I had to go to the bathroom. He was kind of mad that I disturbed him, but oh well. I took a deep breathe in hallway, took a drink of water, went into the community room were my Kleenex was, and then returned back into church. I couldn't really sing the song at all. I had so many tears that I couldn't see the words. But after that, I was fine. I made it through our song for choir, which I was not doing on Wednesday for choir. I had tears then, not today though.

We didn't get to go Bible Study at all, we were cleaning up from fellowship and talking with two of our youth didn't have a teacher. Since there were only two youth for Sunday school. We left going back to Ryan's. Vegged on the couch watching Ryan's Wonder Years DVDs that he got for Christmas. Going off track a little will veer back soon! Bare with me.
Do you guys remember that show? I do.

Now we watched them until we had to leave to go to Sabre Lanes. We met Ryan's co-workers there so they could bowl. Holy Crap the place was busy. So I didn't bowl, I just watched. They more than enough bowlers on their lane. 6 on one lane. I had fun and so did Ryan. Everytime I go to meet up with Ryan's co-workers with him. One guy always says that I could leave Ryan at home since I am the prettier better half. I have to agree with that. Don't you guys? :)

Then we came back to his place and finished watching the Cardnials beat the Eagles 32-25. And then watched the Steelers beat the Ravens 23-14. Man watching the AFC Championship game. Holy Cow! When I left Ryan's at 9 to come home. One the Ravens players got badly injured. From the replay it looked like he snapped his neck. But nope. He could move his arms and legs. So he more than likey has really bad concussion just like Ben Rothlisbuger had. Wow I know about football. That is all Ryan's fault. But I won't carry on about it. Now I am talking about it. Except for this. The Superbowl will be the Arizona Cardinals -vs- Pittsbugrh Steelers on February 1 in Tampa, FL. Now done talking football.

That was our night. Oh Rayn and I will be together next weekend. He won't be going home. He says because he has things he has to do. I said like what? He said ushering Sunday, ice fishing during the day, and babysitting my second cousins with me. What a man! Why do they have to be so vague with their plans? And not just say this. I am not going home sweety (darling, baby, babe whatever he calls you) because it is our 8 year anniversary and I want to spend that with you. Why can't he say that? Is that too damn easy and simple to do?

He is such a damn male. I got that today. He was just standing around, getting in the way, while me, Sara, and Alex cleaned up the Community Room. Then he would do something. Like empty the coffee grounds, it was hot, and he lolly gagged with dumping the grounds. He dripped coffee on the counter, and then dumped it. Why not just move it from the coffee maker to the garbage? DUH!! He is such a male, and IDIOT at times. But I still love him. And why do we have to spell everything out for them? I'm talking in general. Why can't they just read between the lines like we do? Or is it they are just way too simple that they can't even do that? I don't know. I am asking this to all my friends who have a special male in their lives or who have had one. I think if we can get clues into these questions then we will be one more step ahead of them.

Oh! Have to say this, but don't say anything to Ryan about this. When he was setting up the DVD player. I mean putting in the DVD. He had a disc in, and it wouldn't work. So he was getting pi$$ed. Would turn it off and then on. I am just sitting on the couch watching with a smile. :) Then he put in another DVD and it worked. So he has this set in his head. That if a DVD doesn't work, he will put in another DVD, let it load, turn it off, and then put in the one he wants to watch. He thinks that is the way to do that and he so believes that. So I tried to tell him, I don't think so dear. Then he got more adamnet that it was right. And so I just told "Whatever you think works dear." He got so frustrated with me saying that. I said that like 3 or 4 times. So that is my little piece of news to make my ladies smile and laugh. And say yep been there. Stupid men. I just let him think he was right, and he found a way to get it to work. So that is all for now. Until tomorrow. Were I will talk about our first meeting of each other.

Love,
Jodes

The time Ryan and I started dating!

Okay, I am reflecting on this. I will be for the coming week. Our 8 year anniversary is on next Saturday January 24th. That day also has another special reason behind it also. It is my best friend from high school's birthday. So that is how I remember her birthday. Pretty cool right.

Okay this is how Ryan asked me out. You can talk to him about it also, and when you say anything to him. Like how sweet he was or what not. He will blush more than likely. Very cute. All right! I was taking a night class at the Tech, and per my grandma's wishes (and my mom's) they wanted Ryan to escort me to my car or a rent a cop (as we call them). So I asked Ryan to do it. That way we could get to know each other better. So one night he was walking me to my car after class. Looking back I see how flipping nervous he was. We always walked by this couch. So when we were about to get to it. He asked me if we could sit down. I was like okay. But thought what the hell. I want to get home. I am freaking tired. SHHHH! Don't tell him that part. Then I noticed even more how nervous he was. His face was red, and he was jittery. He took out these four candied hearts. For the life of us we can't remember to this day what the damn hearts said. I think they said be mine, cutie pie, and drawing a blank for the other two. You know your normal candied hearts that taste like chalk. He asked me if I would be his girlfriend. Then if I wanted a candied heart. I said yes to both. He was so relieved for me to say yes. I told him later down the road when we were looking back on that. That I really don't like those kind of candied hearts, I like sweettart hearts. But I said that is okay. He said then why did I take one when he asked me. I said because he offered it to me and I didn't want to crush his spirit at that moment. I was being normal. Can any of you women explain it any better? We just do it to make our man happy.

Now, after that all went down. I was going to church with my mom one day. This was between Jan. 24 and the superbowl that year in 2001. I was going to get the car. Well, I missed like three damn steps on our porch, went down. Heard a pop. And sprained my ankle really bad. At the time it was fine. I had these high shoes on that helped keep the swelling down. Came home after being in town. Took off the shoe, and it swelled. I couldn't even walk on it. I did a number on it. Get this I watched the Super Bowl with Ryan at his apartment with my foot up on the chair. And with him getting ice pack after ice pack. What a sweet guy. Then a weekend or so after that. I went home with him to Milwaukee to meet the family. What a lovely way to meet your boyfriends family. But they were gracious. Very welcoming. I don't think I was listening when he told me there was a bathroom downstairs. Because everytime I had to go, I hobbled up them stairs. And oh, I slept on the couch in the living room or in his sister's room. Where ever their was room for me. This was all 2001!

Now we can sleep in the same room and bed and they know nothing will happen. Ryan still feels weird about it though. But I said your parents know that we won't do anything until we get married. But we very seldom sleep in the same bed. Only when his parents house now is full of guests. I mean when the guest room is being used, and his sister is home. We are in his room in the same bed. Nothing kinky goes on ladies. Believe me. And nothing will until we are married. I can swear on a stack of bibles on that one. Well, enough reflecting for now. Talk to you all soon!

Today is another day!

Okay, now the tears have seemed to just come and go. I am doing pretty well though. Talking to Ryan is helping. Just letting him listen to me and hold me is helping. He is such a sweet guy. And I can only imagine what he is going through also. I know his state of mind is taking second to mine. Which means the world to me. That just shows me that he loves that much. But I just wish he would he would just tell me how he is doing seriously. He won't. He says that isn't important. She wasn't my mom, she was yours. Is what he says. Men! Grrrr! But I will take it. I have to. Right? That is what love is and what I am in this elationship for. This will help us grow even closer together. And the loss of my mom is really making me take my family for granted now. I tell my dad I love you when he leaves, and do the same to with my brother and his fiance. Also, it has brought my mom's side and us closer as well. I have never been closer to my aunt and uncle that live next door to me than I do right now. And to my cousin's that live there also. They always say a tragedy will either bring a family together or tear them apart. Will the loss of my mom has brought us all together like we all needed.

And yes Becky, I am one heck (not what I would say ;)) of an emotional roller coaster. And it really sucks a$$. Like that? I went gorcery shopping today. Everything was going great. Until I got home. Nothing went wrong with my car, or me falling for the third damn time. Nope. Stupid paper bags with handles. Damn cheap craftsmanship. The freaking handles broke on like two bags, and then I would pull them close to me to get ahold of them so I could get them out my car. Well, they ripped. I was so livid when I got in the house. And put the bags down. So I sat down and chilled out. Let my heart rate come down and the fiestyness. But all was good when Ryan called. And he came over. I made us a lovely home cooked meal that he loved. I love cooking for him. He loves my eating! But his favorite home cooked meal is his mom's. I have to agree with that. And my grandma's is second. I totally agree with him on that.

Now with the cooking subject. I have learned the hard way not to make twiced baked potatoes. They always end up lumpy! Damn it! Then my beloved tells me this, which pi$$ed me off at the time. These aren't like my mom's. I think when he said that, I told him she is the only person that will make them for him. I give up. I tried three damn times to make them like hers. So I have given up. At least for now. I might try them some other time. Like maybe when we get married. I don't know. If I do it and he loves it trust me you will all know when the happens. So now, I am going to go back in my room and see if my sleeping beauty is still sleeping. Haha! Like that? I do. He would tell me to shut up if he knew I said that.

Oh tomorrow my aunt and cousin that live next door to me are going to see Bride Wars with me tomorrow. I can't wait. It will be our own girls movie out. We might do supper who knows. Ryan will be going ice fishing. I think he is nuts to go tomorrow. But he said he will stop by Fleet to get a pair of Carhardt overalls (I think it is spelled right. I don't know) so his legs stay warm. Then he will be more inclined to stay out there longer. Then Sunday be to church by 7:30 am to practice for choir we are singing during the offering at early service. Then stay for bible study and around 2:30 we are meeting Rayn's co-workers at Sabre Lanes to bowl three games. I might not bowl. Not decided yet. Enough blabbing for now. Off to check on my own sleeping beauty.

Jodes

Flip them around!

Okay just flip them around. The one on top is the three of us, and my mom happy is the bottom one. Sorry. Got flustered!

Now I have to let go!

Okay everyone. It has finally hit me. I was fine all day. And tonight when I was watching tv. I watched Private Practice after Grey's Anatomy. Tell me in a comment if you saw both or one of them. I want to hear what you all think. Grey's Anatomy dealt with a transplant or is dealing with a transplant. Now on Private Practice tonight one of the characters had to pull the plug on their parent. Her dad had a trache tube in his neck and the ventilator was turned off. When I saw that all the feelings from January 2nd came rushing back. As I am describing this to you all. I can barely see the computer screen and the keyboard. I am done trying to fight the emotion I feel. I want my mom to come back now so I can talk to her like I used to. I am so done being strong right now. I have the right to be sad, mad, and cry my eyes out. If any of you are crying with me. I am so sorry. And also, if you are it makes me feel good that I am not alone and you all support me so much. So I offically am at the point were the "damn mack truck" hit me.

This is so hard for me to do. Letting her go. She has been my pillar of strength, and comfort. Now my question is. Why? Why did she have to go? I so wanted her to be here to see my brother get married, take pictures with us, a nice family picture get taken, and her to see me in my bridesmaid dress. I also want her there to see Ryan and I get married. Now I don't have my mom around to help me get prepared for marriage. Whenever that happens. I still feel like she is at Manor Care waiting for us to visit her. Like she is going to call us at home and say were are you at. Come visit me and bring me a sub, whopper junior, or something else. I miss her wise cracks. I miss her picking on Ryan like she normally did. I miss her getting under my skin. I just plain miss her. My dad, me, my brother, Ryan, and Melissa (futre sister-in-law) miss her so very much. My grandma is having a hard time with my mom's passing. I just really hate crying wear my nose gets stuffy, eyes get red, and eyes feel dry. But crying is helping me heal. I am so sorry for bringing you all down with this post. I just needed to release and tell you all that it finally happened. And it might take more posts for me to get better. So please bare with me if I blab about my mom at time's. I just need to talk about it. Well, I am off to relax and watch some more tv. Talk to you all soon!

Love to you all!
Jodes :'(

Here is my mom happy!!


And here she is with my brother Jeremy and me!

Let the healing begin

Well, now I can honestly say. That I am starting the healing process. Don't get me wrong, I have been helaing since January 2nd her death. See I am smack dab in the middle of doing the thank you's for all the cards that we have gotten, and will be getting. I was looking through all the ones that I got personally, and noticed some that I haven't read or re-read them. And I started to get tears. I have awesome and sweet friends. My church family rocks big time. And all my friends from high school and from college rock as well. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends. You all are truly helping me with the healing process. And at times, I may start to well up, but that is just me missing my mom that much.

I honestly can't believe how strong I was during the funeral service. And also with the receiving line before the service. I am now finally typing all the addresses on the computer to print them out in label form. So they are all signed "The Family of Jan Kling" and not sure how many more we will need. See we bought them. We did not have them pre-printed. We are buying them in packs of 10. So that is good. Well, I have to finish my supper and then get ready for choir and youth tonight. Talk to you all soon!

Love,
Jodes

Baby it's Cold Outside!

Okay, I know some or most of you are singing the song in your head. Just like it is running through my head. I am having the scene from Elf were Jovie is singing the song in the shower and Buddy is quietly singing the male part. Very cute movie.

Man can we saw "Damn Artcic Blast!" Thanks Canada! Stupid Canada should keep their cold wind chills and snow and whatever else they give us. Weather report form weather bug says that the Wind Chill is -8 and the temp is 3.6. Ooooo! Heat wave with the single digit above zero. :)

It looks so nice outside with the sun shining. Yeah I doubt that it is nice outside. I think I will be staying in today except to only go out in a little while to get a prescription that I can't do without unless my dad will get for me. More than likely will for me. Since he has to take my cell phone in and have them look at it. Stupid thing shuts off after I send a text message. I can make a call, no problem. I can receive a text, no problem. Only is it when I send out a text does it decide to shut down and the restart. It is getting really annoying. To say the least.

And tonight I have to leave Ryan and I have our Board of Ed meeting at church. Then after that we will spend some time together since I didn't see him last night. I went out with two girlfriends. Talk to you all later!

Jodes

Man what a week!

First off I have to say to everyone. My amazing friends, my amazing family, and my most definitely awesome and amazing boyfriend. I have to say thank you to you all. Yout thoughts, kind words, being there to listen to me, coming up to hospital to be with me, say prayers with me and my family, and give me hugs when needed. Also, to be a shoulder to cry when I need it. God put you all in my life for a reason. And now I see why. To help me through the darkest of days that I had coming. You all supported me when I had my transplant. And now you are all supporting me with the lose of my mom. I am ever so greatful to you all. You guys have no clue how much you are helping me. I know it may seem like I am fine. But seriously the God's honest truth is that I am in denial and a little angry. It hasn't hit me yet. So when it hits me like a mack truck, which I know will happen, just please be patient with me. I am not used to these emotions. I might get pissy with some of you, sorry for that ahead of time. It is from the loss of my mom. And I might cry at the drop of a hat. Because of the loss. Just please again, be patient with me.

Now onto my week. Holy crap! Thank God it is over. FINALLY!! Monday was spent ordering a cheese and sausage tray, planning my mom's service, going to Manor Care to get her rings, watch, and bracelets, and then going to the grocery store to get some soda and other stuff for the next few days. After all that was done. We got home. I sat down for a minute or two. Called Ryan and went to his place. I just needed to get away. Tuesday was doing errands for myself and prepping for the funeral the next day. Ryan came over and I made us a home cooked meal, finally. He was getting sick of Hamburger Helper. Hey it is easy. I said either you eat what I make or you make dinner yourself. Get used to it. I might be doing this when we get married. So that makes him shut up about my cooking. Then my dad went down to Kountry Bar about a mile from my house with my mom's siblings. Then his siblings came down. So he called Ryan and I and we went down there for a little bit. Came home and went to bed. Oh, did I forget to mention that day I fell on the stupid ice. Got out of my car, had washer fluid bottle in my hand, and took one step form my car. And boom went down. Normally I fall on my butt. Yeah not this time. I feel forward. First thought when on the ice was crap did I hurt the kidney. Nope I didn't. Kidney is fine, I fell on my belly. knees are scrapped up and bruised. Can't kneel on both knees. Left hand under the palm is cut from a piece of gravel. Stupid gravel. But I am fine.

Wednesday got up at 8am, sat around until about 8:30 or so. Then got ready. Was a really long ass day. I was ready to be done with the recieving line about an hour into it. But we hung in there. There were a lot of people that came through. I looked at the book, and was like how in the h e double hockey sticks did I miss these people. But understandable. We handled the service good, and we all lost it on the way out of church. Following my mom. Right when they started singing "How Great Thou Art." Now I won't be able to sing those without crying.

Thursday was our sleep in day. Felt really good. Then I went in and saw Ryan. Tonight we went up to visit our good friends Becky, Tim, and Isaiah and there new little bundle of joy Mallory Jael Seabaugh. She is so cute, tiny, and precious. She started to cry in my arms, but once I tucked her feet up, and got her warm. She calmed right down. She feel fast asleep in my arms. Her buddy Jodie has the touch. And we listened to Isaiah talk and say baby. And he said sister. Very cute. He was having fun with Mallory's balloon. Then after that we went to church for our 3 Cheers potluck. Very fun. Very good food also. Then we got back to Ryan's. And a friend called, and we met him at Sabre Lanes were Ryan bowled, and I watched. I will bowl next weekend with them. Then came back to Ryan's and crashed. The both of us fell fast asleep.

Tomorrow is my sister-in-laws bridal shower, then bachelorette party after at The Paper Valley Hotel. Spending the night with the ladies. And then Sunday going to be to church by 9 am. Sorry this is so long. I haven't been free or rested up to blog. I will try to keep it up now. I am going to go to bed. I am sneezing like nuts right now. So blow nose, and then off to bed. Nighty night. See you all or most of you Sunday at church.

Jodes

Time Heals All Wounds!

Well that saying is really a hard pill to take right now. I was on my way home this morning from getting a recheck in a lab value. And had a thought. Why not say hey to my mom and tell her that I love her and miss her. Yeah, well better said than done. I should have known that the "water works" were going to happen after I did that and while driving mind you. I was like Damn It! But also asked God to take good care of my mom. Also asked my mom to give all my loved ones a hug for me. Today was the first time that I really had a stream of tears.

I had tears in my eyes on Friday in her room, and then after we walked out. When family was saying their final goodbyes. I hid my head in Ryan's chest and cried. He hugged me so hard, and started to rub my neck. What a sweet guy I have. I could tell he was having a hard time with it, but he was strong for me. His face was red, and I swear he was on the verge of tears. But none came out. I am so happy that I had him there. What was really awesome. Is what my brother did after my mom passed. It was the five of us in her room in the ICU. And he looked at Ryan and said thank you for being with us, and said the same thing to his fiance. My brother also gave me one of the biggest hugs ever. I love him and my dad so much. And a couple family members are really helping us out. And now the rest is starting to pi$$ us off. Get under my skin and my dad's. Like we can't do make any decisions on our own, or that we need help with certain things.

There are certain things that we want to do together as a family to help us get through this. Man I want to get pi$$y, but I am biting my tongue. I am being a good girl. If any of you see me, and I am quiet. That means I am missing my mom, and probably mad (really mad) at someone. But I will be fine. No worries on that. I am a fighter and strong. I am going to take a little mini nap before my dad and I have to go and plan the funeral service. I am so over joyed to plan that. But I told my dad I want to feel like I am doing something. He said just being there is helping him. But I don't feel like I am doing anything. I want to help in other ways, other than doing the collage that my brother, his fiance, and me did last night. We had fun though looking at the pics. Until next time.

Jodes

The light at the end of the tunnel!!

My mom has gone into the light so see God, my grandpa (my mom's dad), my other grandpa (my dad's dad), my grandma (my dad's mom), my uncle Ron, my uncle Rick, and my cousin's Brian and Kurt. And also everyone else that she knows that has gone on before her. I am doing pretty well. I have moments of tears. But she is happier, healthier, in no pain, and whooping it up with my grandpa.

We were at the hospital by 10 this morning to have a fmaily care conference with the doctors. And we decided as a family to take her off of the ventilator. So we called my mom's side, and my dad called his side. To see who all wanted to come up to say goodbye to them. Then about 3:30 Ryan came up to be my Rock and shoulder. We went in as a family the 5 of us, and said our goodbyes, then everyone else came in. And we said a prayer with her, and said our final good byes.

Then we all went back to the wating room area so they could take the tube out of her. So we all sat there. Then three aunts got up and so did to go in her room so she wouldn't be alone. That is when I saw her breathing hard, and after a moment she opened her eyes to look at my two aunts. Then after a while she looked at me and my other aunt. Then her nurse came in and asked if she had a favorite song. So we sang Amazing Grace and You are my Sunshine. Then about 6:15 or so she starting taking her last breathes. Like she was grasping for air, but nothing. So now she is with God in heaven in his loving arms. And she is also with all our loved ones that wen before her.

Now, when you all see me. Please don't cause a big fuss. I am okay now. Not sad, and not relieved. I am numb from all this. So thank you to everyone who has given their kind words, prayers, support, visits, hugs, and listening. Amongst other things that I don't quite rememebr right now. I am finally off to bed now. Woke up at 8 and will get up at 8 or 8:30 tomorrow morn. So off to bed. Good night to all!

Jodes :'(

Decision Time!

Well, Tuesday we (my dad, brother, three doctors, and me) had a meeting with the doctors that are treating my mom. My brother, dad, and I were there. Not so good news. We were told today that we are coming to the time were we will have to make the decision to have them put in a tracheotomy tube so she can have a more permanent way of breathing. Also, we made a family decision not to resuscitate her if she codes or has a heart attack. That way we feel that she will go more naturally. Then we don't feel guilty if we make the decision of not doing the tracheotomy. And if they do that procedure, they will also put a feeding tube in her belly. The doctors also said that if she would recover. She won't be the same as what we remember. So we are fighting with the fact that she might not know we are there, or what is going on. Like we aren't sure if she knows we are there or not.

So we are having another meeting on Friday with the doctors to give them our decision. Of what way we want to go. See if they keep the ventilator tube in, then that could damage her vocal cords. We are thinking of not doing the procedure because we are starting to really think of what she would want if she could talk. And honestly. She doesn't want to be put on life support, and she doesn't want to live if she isn't going to be herself. Like she doesn't want to be a vegetable. Which is what she might be. Not full blown, but not a good quality of life. We are all thinking the same. We talked as a family after the doctors left. And said that none of us want my mom to suffer.

Yesterday she had a Cat-scan done and no change stroke wise. Friday before we meet again (my dad, brother, me, and three doctors) we will have the results from her MRI that they are doing that morning.

So please for us. As we need guidance, strength, and comfort in what decision we make. Thank you everyone for your support, prayers, and kind words. It will still be an emotional draining time for me which ever way we go. So please bare with me.

Will update tomorrow on what we decide. Stay in touch!

Jodes