From now until after January 7th.....

My mood might not be the greatest. See my mom died on January 2nd, like most of you know. And her funeral was on January 7th. I have been doing pretty good. Christmas came and went with no meltdown's from me. I just went through the motions. That's all. That was until today. Up at my grandma's we had Christmas for my mom's side of the family. All was going good, until my mom's siblings, my brother, and my dad got a picture of my mom. Don't worry I have one! My aunt still has it, she just has to give it to me. That's all. But this picture you have to see it. It is how Jeremy and I want to remember mom. How she used to be before she got sick many many years ago. I opened my dad's present, and I held back tears. Then I looked at my dad by my grandma who gave him his gift. It is a pillow made out of my moms new/unused mightgown she never got to wear. See my mom loved Leopard print ever since she was a child. And that was the print of the pillow. I will take a picture of it tomorrow and post it for all to see

But I even teared up then when I saw the pillow, but choked back tears. I new if I started, I would get all my aunt's started and my grandma. Didn't want to cause that. I just so badly want her back. To talk to, hold, hug, have her hold me, and give me advice. I am blessed to have an aunt that took me under her wing, she promised my mom that she would take care of me. She hasn't let my mom down yet. Nor has she let my dad down. But I have to say, that with my mom's death. My dad, brother, and I are closer than we were in the past. Mainly my dad and I. Since I snapped at him once, when he harping on my for some reason. I told him that I would really like to talk to him since I only have one parent left. Man was he quiet in a second. And ever since his tune has changed with me. It is kind of nice, I just don't like having to say that for him to talk to me like a normal person. And not as a person living in his house. I am his daughter, I am sorry that I look and act a lot like mom, but that is one thing I can't change. I have tried to change acting like my mom, doesn't work. So I have succumb to it.

It is also nice to know that my brother has my bakc no matter what. And he is there if me or Ryan need him and my SIL. Next year, in the new year I mean, we might be doing more with my brother and SIL. That would be cool. Well, enough rambling for now. I am going to go to bed. I have lunch with cousins and two aunts, then an interview at 1:30 in Neenah, and then make Ryan supper at his place. He will need me to pamper him after a busy busy day at work. He will be pooped and tired.

Now time for bed. Night all! Until next time. If I don't blog before Friday! Have a safe and Happy New Year!!! Happy 2010!!!
Jodes